


195. same old nightmare

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [92]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 16:04:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8167819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: I miss you, sister, Helena says. I miss you.





	

**Author's Note:**

> me: i have ALL DAY to write a drabble  
> me: [writing at 11:02pm] this is the right decision
> 
> [warnings: reference to self-harm scars, blood, body horror]

Sarah keeps dreaming about her.

Her dreams flicker womb-red with flares that never gutter out, and she is lying on Art’s couch, she is lying in the bed at Cal’s cabin, she is lying to herself and saying _Helena is gone, I shot her, she’s gone_. But in Sarah’s dreams she is always there. She never goes away.

She says: _I miss you, sister. I miss you._

Sarah says: _You’re not my sister_ and Helena just laughs. She laughs and coughs up bullets and Sarah wakes up.

\--

Her dreams flicker womb-red with flares that never gutter out and the two of them sit together on the ground. Sarah pulls red thread from the scars all over Helena’s back, uses them to stitch up the wound Sarah put in her chest. Helena sits there and bleeds, quietly.

 _I miss you, sister,_ she says. _I miss you_.

Sarah says: _You’re right here_.

Sarah says: _Meathead_.

 _I’m here_ , Helena says, and she taps Sarah’s skull.

 _But not here,_ Helena says, and she taps the space across from Sarah’s chest.

 _Oops_ , she says, and she taps the correct side. She smirks.

\--

Sarah fires blanks. Helena gets closer and closer and closer and the dream doesn’t stop, and Sarah doesn’t wake up. Helena never reaches her. Her eyes are gunshot wounds, bleeding down her face.

She says: _I miss you_ ,

\--

Sarah wakes up and the dream lingers. Sarah wakes up and closes her eyes again and the insides of her eyelids are: red, red, red. She can’t stop thinking about gunshot wounds.

\--

 _I miss you, sister,_ she says. _I miss you_.

\--

Sarah dreams a hospital room and the bouquet on the table is made of pistols. Helena is lying in the bed and watching her. She’s been scrubbed clean. Her cheeks are pink.

She says: _I miss you—_

 _I know,_ Sarah says. _I get it._

 _Thank you for the flowers_ , Helena says.

_I didn’t give them to you._

Helena smirks. _Yes you did_.

\--

“There’s no way she could have lived,” Sarah tells the ceiling. “Doesn’t make sense.”

She thinks: call Art. Art would know. But what a ridiculous question: _hey, Art, you seen a Shakira look-alike in a hospital bed, ta._ Sarah rolls over and wraps her arms around her abdomen. “I shot her,” she says. “She’s dead. She’s _dead_.”

No one answers her. Of course they don’t. She wasn’t expecting them to.

\--

Sarah’s brain makes them a big house, wooden, high rafters. Helena is sitting across the table. She’s wearing a white dress. The tablecloth is white. The plates are full of bullets, and Helena is eating – ravenous, starving. She pours sugar on them from a big shaker.

 _I miss you, sister_ , she says. _I miss you_.

 _Don’t eat those,_ Sarah says.

 _I’m so hungry_ , Helena says, empty eyes and empty mouth and brilliant hole in the chest of her pretty white dress. _Sarah, I’m starving._

When she swallows, her throat rattles with bullets. Sarah isn’t hungry. So she doesn’t eat.

\--

Helena’s body is lying on the ground and Sarah crawls into her bullet wound and inside the wound it’s red and bloody and that flare still hasn’t gone out. Helena is lying on the floor, spread-eagled. Her eyes watch the ceiling, like they’re waiting for it to blink first.

 _You can get up now,_ Sarah tells her.

Helena doesn’t answer.

 _I miss you, sister_ , she says. _I miss you._

She wakes up. No one answers her.

Of course they don’t. She wasn’t expecting them to.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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